On Friday I gave a guest lecture to a community college class of a professor friend of mine who teaches in a neighboring town. I left home with plenty of time to spare, so when I saw the Golden arches in that town, I had a hankering for an Egg Mcmuffin and stopped in to soak up the red and yellow décor It was there, in the back seating area that I encountered the regular early morning coffee group that I will forever know as The Dumb Ass Brigade.
As I sipped my coffee and ate my hash brown, I overheard their mindless chatter.
“I love that Joe the Plumber!” said a plump, fifty-something woman, who I will call Susie the Stupid, “I wish he were running for President. He is so handsome, sort of like Mr. Clean.”
I’ve heard of lots of fantasies over the years, but never about a cartoon cleanser spokesman, but Susie was neck deep in suds and plungers. It did not matter that Joe the fake plumber is unlicensed and much of his story is a lie.
“That Joe tells it like it is," Susie said, with a moony expresssion. "He said Israel was dead if Obama and his Muslim friends get into power.”
“Yeah, and then all the blacks will take over and paint the White House black,” said Harvey the Hillbilly, munching an undetermined form of pastry, “And he is going to make that Bill Ayers guy Secretary of State. Not only is he a terrorist, but he is not qualified – he has only been a weatherman, and what does some TV guy know about foreign policy?”
“Well, that Sarah Palin, she’s standing up for us Joe-Six Packs. And she is really good-looking, too! I just love to watch her speak! ” said another older man, who I call Larry the Lecher, “And Sarah Palin said he was a socialist, he wants to redistribute the wealth like a Commie.”
“He’s not going to lay any hands on my wealth,” said a flannel shirted grandpa type who I call Roger the Rube, whose net worth appeared to be pretty minimal. “And Obama will not get my guns either. Hank Williams Jr. said McCain will protect our guns. Obama wants to give ‘em to the Mexicans and the terrorists!”
Well, I had held my tongue long enough, so I ventured an intelligent statement that went over like the proverbial lead balloon. “Obama is not a socialist. He is talking about a tax cut for 95 percent of the American people. He is just trying to help the poor and the middle class in these tough economic times. He is as American as you and me. His mother and the grandparents who raised him were white. He has a basic, strong middle class upbringing and he loves this country. ANd he supports the second ammendment!”
No one said a word. Ten pairs of eyes stared blankly at me. Then another man, Leo the Lemming, said in a fevered tone, “You got a beard, Mister. You sound like an anti-American. Are you a fellow traveler with Obama?”
I could not help but laugh. I had not heard that fellow traveler stuff for a long, long time.
I laughed. But no one else did.
So I decided to get out of the Mickey D’s before The Dumb Ass Brigade whipped me with their sausage burritos and scalded me with their very hot coffee. I was not going to win any debates with them. They represent the great ill-informed masses of fear-stoked Americans that have supported the Republican Party for years. The not so silent, easily manipulated near majority that makes elections close enough to steal.
So I grabbed what was left of my egg sandwich and backed out of the restaurant. The only consolation I had was that The Dumb Ass Brigade is so dumb maybe they will forget where the polling places are on next Tuesday.
If only America could be so lucky.
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